“Now his elder son was in the field; and when he came and approached the house, he heard music and dancing. He called one of the slaves and asked what was going on. He replied, “Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fatted calf, because he has got him back safe and sound. Then he became angry and refuesed to go in. His father came out and began to plead with him.”–Luke 15:25-28
What do you do when you discover that you are the older son in the Parable of the Prodigal son? I don’t like it, not even a little bit. Could this really be true about me?
If you have spent any time in the bible at all or even if you haven’t, it’s likely that you may be familiar with the story of the Prodigal son found in the 15th chapter of Luke. Here’s the short version:
- Younger son decides he is entitled to get his inheritance
- Younger son demands that his father give him his inheritance…………..now!
- Younger son leaves to pursue the high life of glitz, girls, and excess
- Younger son squanders all his money and wealth
- Younger son realizes he made a mistake…………(A bit of an understatent)
- Younger son hits the bottom of all bottoms…….. (Oink oink)
- Younger son becomes broken…………external circumstances to an internal reality
- Younger son runs out of options
- Younger son with nothing to lose, returns to his father
- Younger son is welcomed with unmatched love and acceptance………..party ensues
- End of story…………all is well………..happy happy joy joy.
These are the highlights that most readily come to mind, but there is more to the story, a sub plot if you will, but nevertheless there if you are looking. I wasn’t really looking for this aspect of the story, but it found me anyway. It found me because I have been living this part of the story myself. I don’t like to admit it, but I can’t deny it.
Often I find myself wishing that I could be the younger son instead. (There I go again)
I tell myself that it would be easier to admit that I have struggled with lust and greed, squandered all my cash and now I am completely broken? I made some very poor choices, I’ve paid the price, become broken and now I’m reaching out in the hopes that someone will be there to catch me. I’m already at the bottom so I have nothing to lose. A classic story of redemption. Why can’t that be my story? (There I go again, being the older son)
I guess it can’t be my story, well,……….because it isn’t my story. Maybe it was once, but it isn’t now. My bottom was many years ago, and even then it wasn’t that flashy, though no less real. But right now my story is aligning itself more with the older son. Yes, I have been cast in the role of party pooper, kill joy, and all around sore loser rolled into one. I am the only snag in an otherwise great ending to an amazing story. Now you can see why I might prefer to play a different role. Can I audition again? Do I really have to play this role?
Well, actually no I don’t have to play this role, but right now I am so good at it. I guess that’s why I was chosen for it in the first place. I don’t like being the older son. Okay, maybe I do, I must, why else would I play the role so often? But I really don’t like this being true about me.
Who wants to be known as self-righteous, petty, jealous, envious, prideful, dirty…..please stop me before I reflect myself all the way to hell itself. I have had to utter those words to myself, to God, and even to some of my friends recently in describing some of the tendencies of my heart.
I feel inadequate and weak coming to the realization that I identify with the older son in this story more often than I care to.
Why can’t I have some politically correct sin like pornography or alcohol addiction? (Okay I don’t really mean that, but I suppose part of me entertains the possibility that those might be easier do deal with. Oops there I go again, being the older son)
Here’s the reality:
- I have all my needs met on a daily basis……and then some
- My family loves me and we enjoy great times together
- I have many friends who add joy to my life
- I live in Colorado (nuff said)
- I have opportunity after opportunity to make a difference in the lives of other people
- I am still young and healthy enough to climb mountains
- God loves me more than I can even grasp
What could possibly be my problem?
I struggle wanting more, wanting significance, wanting what others have, wanting what I don’t have, wanting recognition……….please stop me again before I go back to hell.
I struggle not being content with what I have, which is pretty much everything. Sounds filthy, just saying that again, but as I’ve told so many other people, being honest with myself is the beginning of growth and healing.
So there you go, I’m the older son. I don’t like it. I’d rather not admit it. I don’t want it to be true about me, but I’m afraid that more often than I’d like it to be, it is.
Dave for Wellspring Copyright 2010
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